This is more of a clubmix of this song than I normally listen to... but I love the upbeat and pure perkiness of this electronica single. It's almost like it makes fun of the reality singer contests going on all over. :D It's called superstar.
The song I was really looking for is "Bleed" by the same group. It's a bit more sad. If anyone can find lyrics for me I could easily email them something for my appreciation! The following link is for their album but you can listen to the whole song here. It seems there isn't a video for it. http://new.music.yahoo.com/day-behavior/albums/have-you-ever-touched-a-dream--194845791
Now the other song that I fell asleep to when I had that dream about Thailand, has been difficult to get ahold of as well. It's called Feignedly by Condition One. It's been hard to find a full song version of this as well. The album it's on it Mirror of Liberation from 99. Unfortunately the following link is the best I could do... I have no more google fu *pouts and tears up*
Anyone up for a Manicure & pedicure outing this Saturday? I'm in desperate need of one and have missed getting them as often since I haven't gone to NYC in awhile. So, I'm dragging my cousin out with me and thought it'd be nice if it was a girls day out or guys too!
Anyone? Bueller?
Comments screened if you wanna leave a contact email, etc.
In Tysons' Corner the Filene's basement is closing. I got 500 count 100% egyption cotton sateen sheet set for 45 bucks! WOOT! They are in the wash as I type and soon to be in the dryer so I can sleep in them tonight. I got the last colored set (it's a silver-grey) but they had plenty of white and cream/eggshell color.
Also the National Wholesale Liquidators at 7 corners is also selling their store fixtures. It has some odds and ends stuff left. I got hooks (stuff to hang over doors so you can put stuff on them. This way I can hang my myriad of bags from a door instead of the door handles (I have a ton of cloth bags that I invariably forget to take grocery shopping with me. And hair clippies!!!!!! I spent 10bucks and got at least 10 items.
For some reason I can't get this baby to Mature.... so please clicky. The second set is embedded so you won't leave the page. Thanks!
I found this egg, now the question is how will it turn out?
The following ones are almost hatched and I promise a reward before the new year begins :D [the second set are embedded so they won't take you off the page. Just click as often as you like]
The rules: Click view for each egg/hatchling. You may click multiple times a day or from multiple IP addresses. When they all mature I shall post something very, very sweet *friends list only*
Well, it's your reward for clicking :D And all comments will stay screened unless my brain turns to liquid and melts away thru my ears again and I forget to rescreen them!!!
*Kisses* Alice
PS Please keep clicking until they grow up!!!! I promise the reward is worth it!
I'm still working on at least podcasting the audio.... if not tonight look for it tomorrow! Please keep clickety clickety! Or I may have to abandon them :( DRAGONS *crying*
“Thanks to Kasvan she inspired me to post some of my poetry. This is something that is not electronic any more because my computer died many years ago and I just never retyped it into the computer. But, uhm, I wrote it long ago and it's called "Made" (see translation below).
***After poem***
I hope you enjoy nad that you don't miss me too much but expect many voice posts on my vacation because I expect to be lazy about typing or just not have internet access. Have a wonderful, wonderful night.
Bye.”
My voice is still weak and I brought about 12cups of hot tea with honey to work in my thermos to help soothe my throat. Every time I sneeze the pressure rips a lining of cells from my throat, mouth and sinuses I swear!
Ok... so shoot me for being whiney!
Anys, I am feeling like doing some housecleaning.... if you want to stay friends post a comment here *all are screened* Otherwise, I'm going to unfriend you. And no, I'm not going to explain to ya'll why I wanna do what I wanna.....
A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like.. hell however many times you want.
Then put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.
I have screened all comments so you can say anything you want to say.
There you stand in the light open eyes, open heart, open mind I stand in the shadows with a hand over my heart a hand wipes away the tears in my eyes. I take a small step towards you. You do not notice the shadows conceal so much. I tell you how I feel and hope the words will be enough. I wait with bated breath, closed eyes You turn Should I stop you? My mouth opens I reach out a hand to you offering you entrance but you cannot see past the shadows. I close my mouth, my hand falls limp by my side. I say nothing as I see you walking away. I just stand in the shadows and wonder. I wonder as I see you in the distance why? Why must I hurt myself so? Why must I invite pain like inviting an old friend into my home? As the tears run down my face no one sees no one wonders No one knows the real me, and maybe no one ever will, and maybe no one cares to know. For the shadows envelope me. As you walk away faster, I slip further back into my shadows a hand covering my eyes a hand clutching my heart. I accept the old pains like a lover who has come home from a long trip. They wrap around me like an old cloak, comforting. You don't notice, no one ever does, for the shadows hide many things. I continue down my path of shadows, continually looking into the light but never leaving the safe confines of my pain. The pain is not new to me and I am I am...... ........the shadows.
Some dreams fade Some we never Remember and those that we do usually never come true and those that do never live up to the expectations we had of them. You were my dream… and you came true, and I didn’t know quite what to do And when you sensed the uncertainness You began to fade into the wakefulness of My Reality. And in that Reality I knew….. I knew I should’ve told you I love you. But as the nights flew by My dream, you, my love seemed lost in the vast darkness. And once in Reality my dreams tended to become memories or nonexistent. But you’ve become more important than My Reality and less tangible than a dream ever Remembered being dreamt.
Once We were dreams faeries of the night minds frozen in time fire of heart’s desires. You called me forth floating upon your shores Embracing at first to envelope the world’s poor. He spoke my name, rejoicing Basking in the glory of the light, shining Whispers no more.
We speak and Shout Glorious Wings take flight Once we were Dreams.
I have lived and you only existed as a dream, a wish, a desire a moment when I thought it was tangible.
This world is A Curse as I have cursed the impossible it continues to become illusion; allusion breathing my space into existence.
To see with eyes unclouded is a task that many seek throughout a lifetime but to see myself with eyes unclouded would require me to remember my rage, anger, love and hatred throughout the lifetime of my soul.
For I have lived lived a life worth dying for feeling the rhythms that never come clean rumbling beneath the Earth searching for the destination, the destruction of its birth.
They spun a web for me And I’m stuck in the middle As the world unfolds around me Creating the patterns of my unseen strengths So that I too may be cursed to live As you have existed within me.
Her eyes like Krishna Big, round, blue they see everything
As she looks at me I feel her in my heart rummaging for the truth in my soul stealing my sins when my head turns
Her eyes like Krishna sweet as a child innocently demanding that I speak my truths
Instead I hide my diamonds and my spiders within only letting my eyes sparkle when its safe never feeling safe, and too scared to let go I hold onto everything, hating to give it away
Her eyes like Krishna soothe and heal my wounds so I may sparkle and shine
Too bad I keep ripping them back open. Over and over again.
Sitting there watching Silence except for the music Seeing you dancing smiling moving to the rhythm I ache to join you Smiling sensually slowly languidly Taking your clothes off in the darkness just for me Patiently I wait lingering sighing as I walk towards you Helping with the last stitch of clothing falling to the floor ignored.
I'm sick. A mixture of a cold/sinus issues and allergies! I went to the doctor because if I wanted to waste my time feeling miserable I would've just bought more dayquil and nyquil. However, I was desparate and didn't check this chick out and ended up with a doc that doesn't believe in harsh meds but naturopathy. I agree, but the naturopathy I was using before I made the call didn't make me feel better. Now I'm pissed that I wasted my time and money on meds that aren't helping me feel better. I have a worse sinus headache/pressure now than when I went in! ARGH! And don't you dare give me that bullshit about sometimes it gets worse before it gets better! I teach and I need my voice, not to mention perkiness to keep the kids in line. Anys, I woke up cravin seaweed soup! So I made it:
My recipe has lots of spices in it (thyme, rosemary, oregano, basic, fennel seeds, mehti (fenugreek) seeds, cumin seeds, corriander seeds, mustard powder, hing powder (cuts down on gas). I also added tofu, arame seaweed, broccoli, water chesnuts, cauliflower, carrots, spinach and alot of Bragg's Liquid Aminos (similar to soy sauce but has every type of amino acid and vitamins in it since most vegetarians and vegans are exposed to enough of them). I added a little sunflower oil, but no extra salt. I'm not a big fan of salt and the aminos is very high in salt. I added crackers to each bowl and it brought my temperature up. Then instead of drinking anything cold I decided to drink HOT detox tea. It's an ayurvedic recipe (specific for me but if you want the recipe I will post it). Then I heated up my room and decided I would sweat this evilness out. Hey, my voice is better! And I put on my ayuvedic oils with a ton of eucalyptus to open up the sinuses. I was sneezing alot and not I'm in limbo... sweating and oily and thought I'd share that even though I smell like an herb garden it's making my roomie sick so I don't have to babysit :D HAAHAA
Back to my bed..... sorry no toy action today... my limbs are still gooey and I can't fathom the strength it takes to pick up those large toys on my own....
Where's my sex box????? *whining loudly to myself about not being able to masturbate****
I love to be a HUGE tease. I think it comes from the feeling that anticipation of acting out a sexual fantasy or being fucked only heightens the orgasm. However, when it reaches the frustration level it's no longer fun and becomes boring to me. I don't mind having friends (male or female) that I tease the shite out of verbally, physically or on the phone because it is a game to me. It's a game to see who can hold out the longest I think. It also is a game to see who escalates it first and if it leads to follow through. However, if there's no follow through I don't take what is said seriously and continue to play the game. I might escalate but there'll be no follow through on my behalf because I figure it's a game and fun for the other but never realize their true feelings. Hence the "lala" land and selective hearing side effects in my reality. No matter what is said I mentally shrug it off and continue to dwell in LaLa land. It will only stop when I'm set down and not just spoken to about what they want and feel but SHOWN physically. Of course I'd like the chance to say yes or no before any physical action. but sometimes it's like a cartoon character being hit over the head with a hammer to pull my head out of my world. As others in my life have told me, I could care less if someone else wants me or finds me attractive. This is true. I find it more important about how they act upon that attraction and whether I'm attracted to them not to mention what kind of relationship I'm looking for in them.... whether it be a toy or something more. I have to consider how to incorporate them into my reality and whether I have the time or energy... some days it's simpler than others and sometimes I could truly care less cause there's no way they are gonna touch me in such and intimate way... unless they'll let me whip them until they bleed and do it again when they heal.... mmmmhhhh
Yesterday was a good day at work, which can be amazing for a Friday! I came home with loads of energy and then just crashed. I couldn't keep my eyes open and ended up falling asleep on the couch in the living room! After about 30 mins of sleeping I got up and decided to sleep in my bedroom. I didn't get up until 8 or 9pm and still passed out at midnight! It was as if I was breathing in sleep fumes or something. What'ss most disappointing is trying to find the energy to make yourself cume in your sleep when the apartment is completely empty and you can be as loud as you want. Not to mention there isn't anyone around to help make the task easier and more enjoyable so you can cum in your sleep. Although in my experience, after orgasms or maybe it's more than one orgasm I wake up and I need to have a few more to pass out..... haahaa.
Well, I've had plenty of phone sex, it must be my voice that makes men unable to contain themselves over the phone (teehee), but last night was the first time I had phone sex with a woman. DAMN! Is all I can say it's much harder to direct phone sex than to participate in it. Of course I always think the first phone call is the hardest as you try to get into eachother's fantasies and heads in order to know what to say. However, it was highly amusing! And I must say that she started it by suggesting via email that we have bobbing for dildos for halloween or bring your favorite dildo and dress it up! then she proceeds to call a bit later and want to talk about my personal progress with my toys and what works and what feels best. Hence, the conversation veering to what the other likes to do with men/women when and where and why. Ahhh.... the joys of sex and not vanilla sex.
No matter how much fun it was, she would only be interested in a one on one and not a threesome, which was sorely disappointing because I think it would be much more fun with a third. Such as someone fisting her while she's fisting me, or maybe even a fourth when it comes down to someone fucking me in the ass, she fisting me and someone fucking or fisting her. *shrug* Sometimes these fantasies are best left for other people to fulfill. Considering we began talking about diseases and germs and dirty people, but I feel that if you're safe regardless of what they look like then you're all good. Of course the only truly safe thing is fucking your toys by yourself :D However, after time it gets boring and you just want someone to spice it up for ya.
Let's just say, I'm not sure we'll have phone sex again, but I think if we do it'll get better.
Well, it's Samhain again and at least this year the loses are not as numerous. However, my grandmother died less than a month ago and she was my favorite person in the world! I tend to shut everyone and everything out so I can deal in small doses. However, this is very hard to let it go. I fear that once I start to cry I won't stop for weeks. One night about 2 weeks ago I cried until 4am and had to be up by 6am for work. Needless to say I looked like shite and no amount of makeup could cover my eyes! It's very hard to talk about as well because I don't want to be stuck in a year long depression (as I've done before). However, it makes me realize that no matter what happens in the future it can't be as bad as losing the person in your life that has made it easier to breathe in the morning and keep going when things seem futile. So, here I am, just charging in to distract myself and keeping sharp objects from my reach. However, it's not as if I'm unsafe about it considering I really haven't had sex with anyone but myself in about a year. I'm not running around fucking anyone. It's sad really but I'm very, VERY, VERY picky about letting others touch me casually much less more intimate places.
I think about my most awesome neice (1yr) and my nephew (2 1/2yrs) and focus on being here long enough to teach them to deal with their intuition and inherited powers. My sister in law is a catholic and doesn't believe me and my brother has no power (he's locked up tighter than fort knox). But my neice and nephew are already displaying a huge amplitude of receptivity that makes me worry they will get hurt if not taught how to protect themselves. I have given them all I can and time will tell if they make it through puberty with something or nothing. I keep trying to teach my mom on how to protect them so they don't go a little bonkers until they are old enough to understand but I get ignored. Considering it took her 50 years to begin to listen to herself and her intuitionit's no surprise she doesn't hear me. Sometimes I wonder why I open my mouth. So many people tend to shut off when I speak in my ordinary life or maybe I say it with such peace that it's not believed. My ranting gets heard and quickly ignored.
Sigh.
Anys, as some have told me that I appear bi-polar, it's really because I'm a perky person and then there are times when I need to deal with my depression. Since most people lose hope when they see me as a basket case, I tend to lock myself away even though I'd rather have company as most misery does it's hard for me to ask for it. So I come back out when I'm perky and nice and pleasant so I don't have to hear others bullshite about how their life is worse. I don't need competitors, I need companions.
Sigh.
Yes, I sigh alot and always have.
Anys, my faeries stole my cousin's cell phone and were playing in the early morning hours :) She always threatens that her dragons will eat them, but more likely they are having fun playing (nice and meanly) with each other than either of us realizes. Of course the Faeries mean no harm, they just like to play and get attention and TONS of candy!
*SSSHHHH: yes, I'm a faerie in hiding...not really a human*
Alice contemplated the candy corn candle Ronin sent her for Halloween. She liked to insert a spherical candle and wear it during the day or night because it was quite comfortable and didn’t require more than her own muscles to hold in. However, the candy corn candle was wider in one direction and a thin oval shape, much like the candy itself but not in a triangular pattern on the base. She felt the width was going to be disappointing at first glance but left it sitting out so her subconscious could soak in the gift. Not to mention, Ronin seemed very excited about giving her this candle but didn’t explain it to her in detail. Of course, Alice lived in a very different reality than most people and what was taken for granted by others seemed novel to her, but the more eccentric ideas seemed lost or mundane to her, if not completely ignored for days on end. Alice joked that she lived in LaLa land and enjoyed visiting others’ reality but preferred living in her own.
As Alice worked on her computer after a long day at work, it occurred to her that the candle was small enough to insert, wide enough to stretch (if pounded in with another toy) much deeper inside. Of course, if she was lucky it would break her open further inside so some of her longer toys would slip in easier. Sighing, she realized she would have to find the time to see if wearing it would be comfortable, but she didn’t want to break it in during the work day in case she needed to quickly squeeze it back out due to pain. The disappointment of having to wait frustrated her, but also made her anxious to make the time and try it out. While she contemplated her schedule, another part of her brain spun through the size and hardness of the dildos in her collection in attempt to determine which ones would pound the candle in further. Not to mention if she switched the widest part to be parallel with her hips (left to right) how easily the candle would go in. The idea and temptation of stretching herself, not to mention possible breaking herself, made Alice’s pussy become wet with anticipation.
Welcome to my reality. I will try to explain it using words and any cools pics I may find. I've been told I live in my own reality and it can take days or weeks to notice the changes going on around me. Which I admit is true if I could give a Sugar Honey Iced Tea about ya. Although if I'm really stressed, tired or sick then nothing registers for more than a few seconds. My world consists of Faeries, Dragons, Ghosts, Friends, Fucking, Masturbation, Dreams, Fantasies, Flowers, Dark and Ancient Forests, Dancing... so on and so forth. I hope you feel free to comment on my musings and some of your suggestions are welcome and hopefully useful!
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aliceslalaland's journal
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